You're probably wearing the clothes I bought you
You probably put on the cologne I bought you
And right now
You're probably meeting him
And laughing
Did you like him so much
That you had to leave me

How much better
How can I be better
How much better do I have to be
No matter how much I try to erase you
We spent so many days together
The time that's passed feels so unfair

Everyone turns to look at me
If I ever run into you

I don't want to cry
Like a fool over love
I want to forget you
I want to erase you

---

Probably the most unlucky month for me each year.
Tragic will strike, bad luck falls upon me.
Leaving me at a miserable state.
Look at me, I am always alone, in my house and outside.
Somedays, I do wish to get a silent death wish.
It can be so alone and silence.

Each night, I stare at her eyes only to see hers staring back at me.
Through them, I cry.
Its so much.

---

I am so depressed.
It is so funny how this thing can haunt me up till now.
I laugh at the thought of it and cried.
Met you that day outside Tm and pass by you by an inch.
You didnt notice me for sure.
I miss you.

---

The truth is that none of my exes, or the people that have left, care about me. It’s truly humiliating when you reach out and get nothing in return.

Yes it does. I know it sucks to be there. She said she do, but the truth is truth Ammar. She does not care. Accept it and face it.

Regardless, I can always say that I gave it my all. I give and love with no shame. Sure, I’m fucked up. 

I always do, even if I didn't show it.

I’ll always apologize if I’m wrong. People can ignore my apologies, if they want, since it happens frequently enough, but it’s all I can do. I’m still learning, and I make up my rules as I go along.

Cos that is what I learn from you. 

And there are people who have seen who I am and walked away from it. But I guess part of me wonders if they really knew who I was. 

Ever I was in that state, people left and that part of people include my friends who I thought who stick with me. But fuck no. 

The journey of pain and hurt will continue -– no matter who I have by my side (or if I’m alone). And most of my battles will have to be fought on my own. 

Like I said, I work alone. Just like Batman.

What I can do is say, “Thank you.” Thank you for hurting me and pushing me, making me into the warrior I am today. The world gives hard lives to those that have the capacity to survive it. So excuse me while I prove the world right, and prove y’all wrong.

Thank you pong.

---

Did you fucking remember the time I told you to sterilized the cats?!

---

I miss you Inah pong, as always.

---

Been awhile since I updated myself.
Been busy with my Studio Project 2.
I am glad its all over and done.
3 weeks of non stop work.
I forced myself to focus on my work, not letting her be my distraction.
Long bus ride home, sleeping over them instead of thinking over stuffs.
Well, yeah its good that way but I felt so sad at the same time.
I tend to stop and think why I am doing this again.
Why I am making myself work so hard when the last time I did my SP, she left.
She left while I was trying to make the best of myself just for the sake of our future.
I know its lame I am doing something so hard while I am just at Year 1.
But its something I love doing.
My interest.
And I cried at night, with sudden dreams and depress moments come again.
I have been getting headache for almost a month now.
Pain been throbbing on and off.
But I gotta be strong.
Alot happen to me all this time.

One of the fucking problems is me moving back to Tampines.
WHY DAD?!
You rented an apartment for me at Tampines.
WHY TAMPINES?!
Its the only place I dont want to go ever!
And now you are going to work 2 jobs just so you can support me.
And there goes for me, to find another job to support us back.
No dad, you shldnt have done that.
I am happy where I am.
But not Tampines.
Even though I have always love the East.
But everything there is painful memories.
She left something so great that it hurts to even hurt her name, let alone East Side.
I am afraid again, to face all this.
And again, I am going to take another beating.
I do not want to take 72 and bump into her.
I do want to take MRT and bump into her.
I do want to bump into her or worse, them.
THEM.
I dont why but I been falling over and over again each time I try to rise.
Batman have retired Ammar.
Stop this please.

Its madness.
Its killing me slowly.
I miss you but I hate you at the same time.
No I love you.
And you are a great liar.
Fuck this.

Stop this, seriously.

---